How Extreme Parenting Styles Are Destroying the Younger Generation

Parenting is undoubtedly one of the most challenging and rewarding roles bestowed upon fathers and mothers. However, in recent times, certain extreme parenting styles, such as helicopter parenting and tiger parenting, have garnered attention for their potential to hinder rather than help the younger generation. I can’t help but ponder this after recently seeing a story online which stated that there are certain phrases that Gen Z and younger hate to hear Boomers say.  

How did we get here? What has gone on in parenting that has created a generation of young people who are so easily triggered by these things? What is it that has caused employers to shy away from hiring the younger generation or not keep them in their employ for very long? Let's delve into the implications of these parenting approaches and explore the divine purpose of parenting as envisioned by God. 

The Rise of Helicopter and Tiger Parenting 

Helicopter parenting refers to the over-involvement of parents in their children's lives, hovering over them to ensure their success and protect them from failures. This style of parenting became something recognized by Dr. Haim Ginott, who wrote about it in a book titled “Between Parent and Teenager,” in 1969, but the style of parenting did not become popularized until the early 2000’s.  

We see the impact of this style of parenting in every day events like children’s team sports where children are now rewarded just for participating, rather than emphasizing achievement. It has followed through the education system where what used to be a culminating event in high school is now repeated at each promotion stage. I’m not opposed to promotion because I do believe that it reinforces the idea of accomplishment. However, I wonder if it lessens the significance of the completion attained at high school and college. 

On the other hand, tiger parenting is characterized by an authoritarian approach, demanding high levels of achievement and discipline from children. It became recognized as a parenting style around 2011 following the publishing of a book by Amy Chua, titled “Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mom.” You may recall this style of parenting being portrayed in the 2006 movie Akeelah and the Bee. In the movie, one of the student’s competing struggles to fit in with other kids who have a different style of preparing for the spelling bee. His father, being very forceful and demanding to keep him focused on the goal of winning, at the cost of socialization, friendship, and sheer enjoyment of participating against other young people. 

You might thing that both styles from the parent’s perspective stem from a place of love and concern, yet they often result in unintended negative consequences. Studies have shown that children raised under these extreme parenting methods tend to experience increased anxiety, depression, and lack of autonomy. They may struggle with social relationships and face difficulties in adapting to the challenges of adulthood and professional life. 

God's Divine Purpose in Parenting 

God's divine purpose in parenting transcends the narrow focus of helicopter and tiger parenting. As parents, we are called to teach, nurture, cultivate, guide, and guard our children. This holistic approach encompasses the following aspects: 

1. Teaching: Parents are entrusted with the responsibility of imparting knowledge, values, and wisdom to their children. This includes teaching them about God's love, grace, and commandments. How many artists, entertainers, and innovators are the product of parents who taught them to love or value what they were teaching them? 

2. Nurturing: Just as God nurtures us who are His children, parents must provide a loving and supportive environment where their children can grow and flourish emotionally and spiritually. 

3. Cultivating: Parents should encourage the development of their children's unique talents, interests, and abilities, fostering a sense of purpose and fulfillment. 

4. Guiding: Children need guidance to navigate the complexities of life. Parents should offer counsel and direction, helping their children make wise decisions and stay on the right path. 

5. Guarding: Just as a shepherd guards his flock, parents are called to protect their children from physical, emotional, and spiritual harm. We must be honest that the world we live in is not entirely safe. With actual dangers that threaten children’s innocence online, in the street's other various mediums, parents must be on guard that their children are not exposed to things that rob them of their childhood and shrink their imagination of who they can become. 

   
   

The Characteristics of Godly Parenting 

Parents should be a model of the characteristics and relationship that children should find in God. This includes being a source of good gifts, leaving an inheritance, and disciplining out of love. Here are some key attributes: 

• Provider of Good Gifts: God blesses us with good gifts, and parents should likewise bless their children with love, encouragement, and opportunities for growth. 

• Leaving an Inheritance: Beyond material wealth, parents should leave a legacy of faith, character, and values that their children can carry forward. 

• Loving Discipline: Discipline is not about punishment but about guiding children back to the right path. Just as God disciplines us out of love, parents should correct their children with kindness and understanding. 

  
  

The Impact of Extreme Parenting 

Let me be clear when I say that what I have alluded to as extreme parenting styles are not the only ones that exist. There are others, such as the neglectful parenting, authoritarian, and free-range, just to name a few more. Yet, these extreme styles all in one way or another take parenting too far on a particular pendulum swing rather than a balanced and measured way that reinforces a healthy relationship with children. 

Research has highlighted the detrimental effects of helicopter and tiger parenting on children's emotional and social development. Kids brought up under these regimes often exhibit: 

• High Levels of Anxiety and Depression: The pressure to meet high expectations and the lack of autonomy can lead to mental health issues. 

• Poor Social Skills: Overprotective and controlling parenting can hinder children's ability to develop healthy social relationships. 

• Difficulty in Adulthood and Careers: Lack of independence and resilience can make it challenging for these individuals to navigate the demands of adult life and professional environments. 

  
  

In conclusion, while the intentions behind helicopter and tiger parenting may be rooted in love and a desire for success, they often fall short of fulfilling God's divine purpose in parenting. By embracing a more balanced approach that teaches, nurtures, cultivates, guides, and guards, parents can help their children grow into well-rounded, emotionally healthy individuals who reflect the loving relationship they have with God.